Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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