Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize