The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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