Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize