i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
