Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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