Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
