All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
