Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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