its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
