Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
