Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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