if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize