just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize