True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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