I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Nobody cheats on THIS.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
