My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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