We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think my moral compass just broke
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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