Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
