every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize