Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
