I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
