ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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