Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize