This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
