i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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