He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize