I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
