there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
this just has baby written all over it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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