dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
this boner is exhausting
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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