thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
