i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
