You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
