Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
