I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
