Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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