Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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