chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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