I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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