I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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