evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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