hell yes lets make some ravioli
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
