I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
