How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
