I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
