i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
