you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
