shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
