WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
