so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
