We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
