So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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