I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
