I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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