508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
