The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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