Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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