Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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