you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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