I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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