You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
