i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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