I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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